Saturday, August 28, 2010

What Happened to Black-On-Black Love?

What’s wrong with Black-on-Black love?

Seriously, what’s wrong with a Black man loving a Black woman? Why is it considered a bad thing to see two people of the same race in a loving, caring relationship nowadays? What is so wrong with wanting to love someone of your own race? What’s wrong with wanting to see a picture of a black couple holding each other? Why does that image disturb and upset so many? More importantly, why does it disturb and upset so many Black people these days?

Seems like everywhere I go the Black folks want to have a relationship with anyone but each other. Black men want White women, Hispanic women, or Asian Women. Black Women want relationships with White men, Hispanic Men or Asian men. When Black men speak of their experiences with Black women they call sistas bitches and hoes and say a having a relationship with them is the most horrible thing that happened in their lives. When Black women speak of their experiences with brothers, they call them lying cheating dogs and say there’s nothing worse than a relationship with a triflin’ no good Black Man. I’m wondering why is there such enmity between Black men and Black women these days? How did this rift happen and where did all the love go between brothers and sisters?

Relationships between Brothers and Sisters are in a sad state of affairs. When it comes to black-on-black love, it seems it’s not about how much love two people can share with each other, it’s more about how much abuse two people can endure from each other nowadays. Instead of seeing love as an beautiful experience that brings people together, brothers and sisters these days seem to see love as a game of humiliation and one-upmanship. Lying and manipulating seem to be the basis of a romantic relationship instead of open honest communication. Cheating between partners is considered normal and acceptable. Black people nowadays seem to say I love you with contempt for each other. Even basic social interactions between black men and black women are so adversarial and confrontational now. Smiling or paying a compliment to a brotha or a sista in the street is likely to get met with a scowl or a profanity filled response. I’m wondering where all this hostility came from and why can’t black people can’t show love towards each other.

I know it wasn’t like this a generation ago. I hear stories from older brothers and sisters talking about old school Black-on-black love. They tell their stories with pride and passion about brothers and sisters coming together and sharing their hearts and souls. They talk about how black men found Black women beautiful and how Black women found Black men handsome. They talk about remaining together throughout the good times and the bad. They talk about loving black and having long-lasting lifetime relationships where love grows stronger as times and people changed. They talk about how black people were kind and civil towards each other; how a kind word was often met with a smile and thanks. Those days feel like a different age.

Today black-on-black love feels like it’s an endangered institution. It’s sad that a lot of Brothers and Sisters don’t care for each other the way we used to. Truly it’s a tragedy that we don’t see value in a human being who has the same skin color as us. That we don’t care enough about our brothers and sisters enough to see them as someone who we’d like to share a relationship with. That we don’t love ourselves enough to see each other as attractive, desirable partners and companions. When black men and women can’t see black love as beautiful it weakens the integrity of the Black community and undermines the structure of Black America.

Love can’t grow out of the seeds of hatred. Rooted in the corrupted fruits of this growing animosity between brothers and sisters is a poison that is slowly destroying the soul of Black America. If Black people can’t find love of themselves amongst themselves, then they won’t find it elsewhere. No one else can love Black unless Black loves itself.

While it may be bleak right now, I’m not giving up on black-on-black love. I want to find love with a black woman. To me, Black is beautiful and nothing gives me a greater joy than the sight of a beautiful black woman. It makes me proud to see a black man and a black woman sharing black-on-black love with each other. The image of a Black man and a black woman together warms my heart. To see someone who looks like me sharing an intimate moment such as holding hands, in a warm embrace or a passionate kiss, to me is a beautiful thing. I know it’s out there, and I know one day I’ll discover it.

There’s nothing like Black-on-black love. The energy shared between a black man and a black woman who loves themselves and loves each other is indescribable. It’s an aura of that radiates and glows so brightly; the only way to understand it is to be a part of it. Black-on-Black love is a beautiful experience that every black person should have at least once in their lives. Unfortunately so many brothers and sisters hate each other nowadays they’ll never know the joy of Black love like their grandmothers and great-grandmothers did.

So I ask again: what’s wrong with Black-on-Black love? And why can’t more brothers and sisters find it?

1 comment:

Leah Evans said...

Hello. Shawn :) i know i am responding to a old post of yours. However, i would like to speak to. About something i am going through personally. In my 3 uear relationship with a black man and my issues are more then skin.deep. i would love to hear from because. I read. One of you blogs and responses. And i must say i enjoy. Your. Intellectual mind. Hope to jear from you soon.